I can’t really tell you what I said during the reflection because I was SO nervous. I just remember walking up to the podium and tears immediately started running down my face. My older cousin, who we call Bug, rushed to my side. I thank her for that. I did a lot of rambling, but I’m pretty sure I got my point across because I had the majority of my family hug me afterwards and tell me that my message was heard. Although, I do believe them I felt like I wasn’t satisfied. So, I wanted to reiterate my message with a clear mind and honest heart.
I didn’t have a very close relationship with my Grannie Annie. I believe it hurts more when you know that you had enough opportunities to connect with people, but you chose not to. I had plenty of calls from my dad asking me to call my Grannie Annie for her birthdays or just to say hello. I would tell my dad that I will, only to put it on the back burner and later receive a disappointing reaction from him after all my excuses. I think about those times today and wish that I could’ve reached out to her more.
As I sat back down after the reflection, I picked up my Grannies obituary. I started to read it and came across a section that talked about her faith with God. I didn’t know much about this side of her and I always had questions in my mind but never wanted to speak on it. I learned that she accepted Christ at an early age, and continued to walk with Him for 85 years. That’s amazing! What’s even more amazing is that for the first 25 years of her marriage to my grandfather, he still hadn't accepted Christ. As the godly woman that my Grannie was, she stuck by him until he turned his life to God and eventually became a deacon at Bible Way Temple in Washington, D.C. When I finished reading this, my heart started to smile.
Earlier this year I became a born again Christian. I’ve gotten into a more in-depth understanding of God’s calling and figuring out day by day my purpose in life. It’s been such an incredible experience and it’s not over yet. It truly excites me when I hear people share their faith as well as the time I get to share my own testimonies. It makes me more eager to learn about God’s word and plan.
In the book of Isaiah 43:25 it states,
“I, even I am he who blots out your transgressions, for my own sake, and remembers your sins no more.”
This verse means to me that no matter what you’ve done in your past it is forgotten. Every sin, every doubt, and every downfall will be wiped away. We spend so much time thinking about our “shoulda, coulda, wouldas” after God has already forgotten about it and didn’t look back. We need to focus more on what is ahead of us because we have a second. chance. I’m pretty sure that the 85 years that my Grannie was alive that she went through some tough times. For me, I have too. I know down the road with my Grannie that she had difficult periods sharing her faith to somebody that she truly loved and they didn’t quite respond the way she intended. I can relate. But I also believe that she trusted God to work in her favor and not give up. I can see similarities within myself on that. So with that being said, I do feel connected with her.